As any loyal Marvel, Doctor Who, or Rick and Morty fan knows, the multiverse is a vast, incomprehensible, and infinitely possible reality of our world. Luckily, while the characters from our favorite series grapple with the potentially terrifying ramifications of a multiverse, we as professional football fans have the privilege of pondering a more exciting possibility: the perfect offensive season. Welcome back to the NFL Multiverse.
Before taking off, let’s review the ground rules established last time:
Buckle up - the
AFC South Multiverse has just opened…
1.) The Tennessee Titans:
During our last multiversal expedition, we briefly explored what a world may look like if Deandre Hopkins dawned the red, white, and blue of a New England Patriots uniform. With a deal now in the books we know that, while Hopkins
will be sporting America’s colors, it will instead be for the Tennessee Titans. It’s no secret that Mike Vrabel and the Titan front office are firmly under the impression that they are far from a rebuild. My personal perceptions aside, the Multiverse shows us a perfect offensive season as one in which the Titans have a true shot at making the playoffs. This team, led by an aging DHop and Derrick Henry, welcomes Ryan Tannehill (not Will Levis) as the lead signal caller once again. In a vengeful final act, Tannehill would pass for nearly 4,000 yards and 35 TDs posting a best-yet statistical season. This, paired with a now expected 1,200 yards from King Henry, does just enough to fend off the rising Jags and get the Titans into the dance.
2.) The Jacksonville Jaguars:
Speaking of the Jaguars, realities across the multiverse allude to a true change of fate for this tortured franchise. In the most ideal reality, years of jeering from divisional foes finally come to a close with a regular season win percentage landing somewhere in the mid-low 80s. Moreover, Shahid Khan’s ~gamble~ on Calvin Ridley pays dividends as the 5th year WR catches upwards of 90 pigskins on nearly 150 targets from Trevor Lawrence. Fully coming into his own, T-Law builds on a promising close to the ‘22 season with 35 TDs and less than 10 INTs. These eye-popping stat lines, along with an injury-free campaign from fellow Clemson Tiger, Travis Etienne, leave Jags fans and PPR players alike filling the streets with sounds of “DUUUVAAAL.”
3.) The Houston Texans:
It’s not uncommon for multiversal travel to explore younger or less experienced versions of famous figures as a means of understanding how they come to power. For our universe’s Houston Texans, it feels as if we are in a similar testing phase. With a combined age of 67, the three current cornerstones of the Houston offense are full of youth, to say the least. Keeping this in mind, a perfect scenario for this crew would see rookie C.J. Stroud prove doubters wrong by finishing the season with 20 TDs and a passer rating of approximately 90. In complement to this, 2nd year back, Dameon Pierce, would build off of last year’s impressive showing, this time reaching the 1k mark on the ground. Adding to this now respectable attack, speedster Tank Dell would give Stroud a consistent, game-changing jolt, showing that his potential in camp and pre-season tape hold some true weight. While a perfect offensive season may not mean a playoff appearance for Houston, it would prove that that the front office has been founded in their recent pursuit of talent and indicate a promising future.
4.) The Indianapolis Colts:
If there is one consistency across the NFL multiverse, it’s this: you can lead Jim Irsay’s gift Colt to water, but you cannot make it drink. Injuries aside, what the Colts had in Johnathan Taylor is the closest thing to a game-changing bell cow back that the modern NFL is able to offer. The front office’s inability to maintain the buy-in and commitment of a clearly needed offensive asset, regardless of long-term contract aspirations, is baffling. That said, our job as multiversal explorers is to research, not to critique. Thus, in the Colts ideal reality, we see Anthony Richardson be all that Irsay hopes; overcoming a now non-existent running game and lackluster supporting cast to replicate a rookie season with notes of Cam and Lamar. By posting a wild 1,100 on the ground and another 3,000 through the air, Richardson’s performance would quickly cement him as a dual-threat superstar. In addition, as one of the team’s only respectable weapons remaining, Michael Pittman would fill the role of WR1, catching 10 TDs and nearly doubling his career total.
And just like that, our trip through the NFL multiverse has once again come to a close. Although some from our universe may describe the possibilities above as “wishful thinking” we, as true explorers, know that through ambitious research comes evident reward. Simply put, the possibilities presented by a neighboring universe bring to light realities within our own that we just may not be bold enough to see. After all, in the word of Multiverse pioneer Nathaniel Richards, “with time, it’s hard no to skip to the end.” If you enjoyed this adventure, be sure to share with others, leave your thoughts, and check back for the next edition as we explore AFC West possibilities.